


All Hail The Outlaws

by farquaad



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Era (Phandom), Anti-vaccine beliefs (ew I know), Biphobia, Coming Out, Discussions of sex, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Unsupportive family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 18:22:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18922543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farquaad/pseuds/farquaad
Summary: Dan doesn't understand why some people are so damn homophobic





	All Hail The Outlaws

**Author's Note:**

> this is 100% a vent fic about my coming out experience I'm so sorry. also I only rated this M because there's some graphic language
> 
> (originally written in August 2018)

Dan didn’t realize what he was saying until the words came out of his mouth.

“I don’t see what the big deal about being gay is.”

His friend, Zakary, paused the game of Halo and looked at Dan with an expression he couldn’t quite read.

“You got something you need to tell me, Howell?” Zakary joked, snickering.

“I’m just saying. Think about it, Zak. Technically, what’s the big difference between fucking a dude and fucking a girl?” Dan made sure to keep his voice down, knowing that Zak’s mom was making dinner downstairs.

“Dudes are fucking gross, man. Girls are hot,” Zak said simply.

“Okay, yeah, but it would feel the same, right? Fucking them, I mean,” Dan continued.

“I’m pretty sure sticking it up a dude’s ass would be different than a girl’s pussy,” Zakary snorted.

“Okay, well then what about blowjobs? Same thing, right?” Dan asked. He didn’t exactly know why he kept pushing the subject, but he figured he should learn to be able to prove his point if his parents wanted him to be a lawyer.

“Do you just let anyone suck you off, Howell? Even if they’re not attractive? Guess that makes sense, though, all fags are sluts. That’s why they all have AIDS,” Zakary said before unpausing the video game and carrying on as if nothing had happened.

“I’m not… I’m not gay,” was all Dan said. He quickly got back into the game as well, not wanting Zak to know how badly his words actually hurt.

Dan swallowed the lump in his throat and fought back the tears that were pressing hard against his eyelids. It was fine.

That night Dan couldn’t sleep. He thought that everyone was attracted to both sexes. Maybe not romantically, but sexually, at least. It just made  _sense_ to Dan. It would feel good either way, what was the big fuss about?

Apparently, not everyone felt the way Dan did.

He sighed, turning himself onto his side and curling up into a ball. What did this mean for him?

He wasn’t gay. He knew that much. He couldn’t be gay because he liked girls. But the thought of being with a guy, kissing a guy, holding hands with a guy was just as appealing as doing all of those things with a girl.

After two weeks of fighting with himself and a lot of research, Dan decided that the term  _bisexual_ fit him the best.

Now it was just time to tell his parents.

When his parents both got home from work, he approached them in their bedroom where they were watching TV.

“Hey, guys. I need to talk to you,” Dan said, starting out simply. This was good. A good place to start.

His mom turned off the TV, a silent go-ahead for Dan to start talking.

  * “Well, I’ve been thinking about relationships and things. Love and stuff…” the 16-year-old paused and looked up at his parents with scared, wide brown eyes. They mostly looked confused, so he figured he should get to the point.



Dan swallowed and sighed before speaking again. “Dating a girl… and kissing a girl… that sounds good to me. It feels right. Appealing, I guess.”

Dan chewed on the inside of his cheek before continuing. “But, the thing is… I can also see myself doing all that with a boy. It feels equally as right and appealing. So, I’m not gay, ‘cause I still like girls, but I’m bisexual.”

When Dan said the words, he expected to feel a great weight lifted from him. But he didn’t. He could just feel his heart beating in his chest and adrenaline coursing through his veins as he scanned his parent’s faces.

The anticipation was eating at his insides, rotting them away with acid and Dan wondered if he was going to throw up or pass out or die when his mom finally spoke up.

“Alright. Why don’t you, uh, go to your room and let your father and I talk about this?”

Dan just nodded - he didn’t know what else he could do - and scurried out of the room and into his own. He sighed and flopped down on his bed, the butterflies in his stomach not ceasing their fluttering.

That was easy. Too easy. He could almost feel static in the air, like the calm before the storm. It made the hair on his arms stand up and he had the urge to flee but he knew he had nowhere to go.

So, he stayed on his bed with his eyes closed as he tried to steady his breathing.

Ten minutes later, Dan’s eyes shot open when he heard yelling coming from his parent’s room.

“No! This is a phase and you know it!” Dan’s dad screamed.

Dan rolled his eyes. This was the kind of thing he read about online when he had researched other people’s coming out stories, but he never actually expected to hear the words from his dad.

Dan sighed. He thought his parents would be okay with this, but he was wrong.

“He’s doing it for attention, why can’t you see that!?” Again, his father’s voice sounded throughout the house. At that moment, Dan was glad his brother was at a friend’s house so he didn’t have to hear all the yelling.

The pit in Dan’s stomach grew as the arguing continued. He was numb. He could hear each and every word that was being screamed and he just let it wash over him, but he knew it would sink in sooner or later.

Dan only let himself go when he heard his parent’s bedroom door slam, and then the front door being slammed. He curled in on himself and cried himself to sleep.

Over the next two years, Dan kept exploring his sexuality. He identified as gay, straight, definitely-not-straight-but-I-don’t-need-a-label before finally landing back on bisexual. It was still the only one that felt truly right to him.

Even though the first time Dan came out was less than perfect, the moment Dan felt like trying out a new label he went to his parents and told them. He always had a close relationship with his parents, and he could talk to them about anything.

Dan didn’t want the topic of his sexual orientation to be taboo just because their initial reaction wasn’t great. Dan wanted to normalize the discussion of LGBT topics because, in reality, it wasn’t anything abnormal.

So, Dan found out that each time he came out to his parents it was easier and they reacted better each time.

It took two years, but eventually, his parents and brother were excited to go to pride with him. Of course, they were still learning and growing, but they were always improving.

Dan was grateful for this. He voiced that one night while on Skype with his new best friend (slash kind-of-boyfriend), Phil.

“I’m grateful for them being willing to change,” Dan said.

“That’s good!” Phil said, smiling at Dan through the shitty webcam.

“It’s just… well, nevermind,” Dan decided. He averted his eyes from the screen of his laptop.

“What is it? You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but I’m here for you, no matter what. You know that. I’m not here to judge,” Phil replied soothingly.

Dan exhaled through his nose. He was grateful for Phil, too. They had only been friends for a few months but it felt like they had known each other for a lifetime.

“Well, as great as my parents are sometimes, with my mom it’s like… I never really know what she thinks of my sexuality. It’s just… it can feel like her acceptance is just a facade,” Dan confessed.

“Why do you say that?” Phil asked.

“About a year after I came out - for the first time - things were going well. Until one day she told me that she thought that people were only gay because the government created vaccines to make them that way. To control the population or something,” Dan explained.

Phil gasped. “Oh my god, Dan.”

“I mean, I’ve always known she was anti-vaccine. I don’t agree with her but those are her beliefs. I just never knew that she thought vaccines had anything to do with LGBT,” Dan said.

“That’s… terrible,” Phil said. It was clear he was still processing everything Dan had just said.

Dan had never told anyone this before, so as soon as he let it out, he couldn’t stop. It was like a portal had been opened and all of these emotions he’d been burying for years with no one to talk to were finally coming out.

“It doesn’t even make sense. Like, I’ve never even been vaccinated up until this year. She wouldn’t let me until I was 18. And even then, there are ways to have biological children so the concept in and of itself is completely illogical,” Dan ranted.

“I know. What she said… it’s not true. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that, Dan,” Phil said.

“‘S fine. But, like, what do you even say to that?  _Oh, son, I think that a large part of who you are was fabricated in a lab and then injected into you._ So I just said ‘oh’ and then went to my room,” Dan paused to take a deep breath. “She says that she doesn’t still think that, but… I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust anything she says again. For an  _entire year,_ she let me believe that she was all accepting when really she was thinking this the whole time. She still reads all these anti-vaccine books and… I guess it just hurts.”

“I’m sure it does, baby. Nobody should have to go through all that. Especially someone as amazing and kind and cute as you are,” Phil tried his best to be comforting, but there was really nothing he could do that would heal these deep scars except for simply  _being there_ for Dan. He knew it was all he could do, but it still didn’t feel like enough.

“And then, a few weeks ago, she basically implied that gay men deserve to be called faggots. Like, what the fuck? Who says that? Who buys their son rainbow flags and goes with him to pride and then says  _that?_ Of all things, why did it have to be  _that?_ ” Dan felt his throat closing up as he talked. He forced the tears away, though, determined not to cry in front of Phil. He was good at that - not crying.

“Bear, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” Phil said, deeply saddened.

“It’s okay,” Dan sniffed, “just a few more weeks ‘til I get to come visit you, right?”

“That’s right, angel. Just a few more weeks.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! likes & kudos make me go uwu and reblogs on tumblr help my fics see the light of day! [you can reblog my fic by clicking this link.](https://farquaadphilly.tumblr.com/post/176977169608/all-hail-the-outlaws) ilysm!!


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